The start of a new relationship, especially before having sex, is filled with pleasure, excitement, and anticipation. And if we’re real, it’s probably also filled with questions, like exactly how to talk about sex in a relationship. Talking about sex – including anything from your sexual history to your medical history to your emotional history – can seem a little strange, especially when you are talking about it with someone you really love, but are still learning. to know him.
Of course, you have to discuss the details of everything, but then there’s the general vibe you should get before you jump into a discussion like this. Here are four things you should feel in a relationship before you talk to your partner about sex:
Before a sex conversation can take place in a relationship, you need to make sure that you feel as comfortable as you can imagine with your partner.
Sex is a really, really fun thing to do (in a relationship or whatever). Sex isn’t a really fun thing to talk about when starting a new partnership, however. It’s usually a bit awkward, and both parties aren’t quite sure how to approach it. (It’s later, after you’ve had sex for a while and the sex talk turns into chatter, that it’s really fun.)
Because talking about sex like adults is such a nerve-wracking thing to do, it’s best to assess your comfort level with your relationship before having a conversation like this. Your partner should make you feel like you can laugh at the embarrassment, ignore it, or push it into a comfortable sex conversation.
If you don’t feel a significant enough level of comfort with your partner, then it might not be the best time to talk about sex or to start having it.
One very important thing that you need to feel about your partner before you can talk about sex is acceptance. It’s different from comfort, because true comfort just means that you feel able to strike up a real conversation with your partner, strange as that may sound.
Acceptance, however, is when you know your partner is going to continue to be there and care about you just as much, no matter what you say. Acceptance is when you feel certain that your partner loves you for who exactly you are, and that taking sex won’t make a difference.
When you feel accepted by your partner, you don’t worry about saying something bad or saying something weird in a sex conversation. You’ll be ready to talk about it like an adult, because your relationship is already strong.
3. Able to listen
While you need to feel some things of your partner to talk openly about sex in your relationship, you also need to be willing to give certain things at your partner. One of those things is good listening skills. Before starting a sex conversation with your partner, you need to make sure that not only are you feeling good, but also that you are intentionally focused on making your partner feel good too.
A relationship is a two way street, and the best relationship is one where partners work together to make sure they both feel loved, accepted, and happy. Having a sex conversation isn’t just about the details like getting tested and which positions work and don’t work for you. It’s also about developing the bond between you two as a couple.
Give your partner the same attentive listening that you would want them to give you in any serious discussion like this.
4. An open and honest space
The most important thing in any sexual relationship? Honesty. The way to achieve this? Intentionally create an open space where you and your partner feel good to be honest about anything that might come up.
My husband and I have this thing called our “wedding bubbles”. What this means is that before any serious discussion, one will ask the other if we can “blow bubbles”. All that happens in practice is that the person being asked to blow bubbles is ready for anything that may come up and is ready not to react or get upset and, to instead, just listen and move on.
Creating a “bubble” space for any sexual conversation in a relationship is a great idea. Sometimes people have to reveal things that make them uncomfortable, such as a health or sexual history. Making sure you’re both on the same page about an intentional space where you can talk openly and honestly about everything will really help you.
Talking about sex can make anyone a little nervous, especially with a new partner in a new relationship. With that said, it is one of the most important things for a couple to do because it will form the very foundation of your physical relationship.
If you feel comfortable and accepted by your partner and feel you can offer them the same comfort and acceptance, as well as an open and honest space to listen, you are in a good position to start talking about sex to your partner. your partner.
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